The Great Apple Eater!
There once was a prophecy that spoke of a day and age when ALL would easily offend and be offended and bring humanity to the brink of total extinction! Except by the salvation of the coming of the great Apple-Eater!
It all began with little Adam. Adam was a bright boy, no older than 3. It was a beautiful bright day, the sun was providing the right amount of warmth upon the skin, as the breeze came in perfect intervals to cool the body to “just right”. Now Adam was playing with his sisters in the middle of a great field near their home eating the apples their parents provided as snacks so that they may easily extend their time of play outdoors. Having eaten an apple it would come of no surprise that little Adam suddenly had to pee. There was certainly no time to make it home to the bathroom, so little Adam just took advantage of this perfect day to step a little farther away from where he and his sisters were playing and peed in the middle of the field. It felt sooooo good to relieve himself, but even more, to do so freely right under the warmth of the sun. A wide grin fell across his cherub little face…
Suddenly a wave of voices arose from the near-by apartments and homes, but they were so far away, that little Adam just continued relieving himself as the voices were just background noise and certainly too far away to relate to him? Just as he finished, he saw several adults running towards him eyes bulging, arms flailing, and they were running! ADULTS WERE RUNNING!!! His neighbors, the Finches, the Bus driver, the local butcher, everyone!!! Oh this was so exciting, as children rarely see grown-ups running! Little Adam began to run toward them, the whole village was coming out to play!!! when suddenly the first adult reached him, and swiftly grabbed him by the arm swinging him firmly around screaming what a naughty boy he was, and how dirty for peeing in public! They began covering him with their own sweaters and clothing with great rage as if to quickly cover up this mistaken-naked-peeing-in-public-incident. Suddenly it was dark and Adam could barely breathe through the coverings, and he was very scared and confused.
“He exposed himself, to the whole world?” – said a local celebrity
“He’ll know better, once his parents deal with him” – spoke a judge
“I would never encourage my child to do such a thing!” – said a young entrepreneur
Adam, began to weep as he was tossed back n forth within the crowd… frightened of what would happen to him. But no one heard him, and still, the crowd roared on, saying. . .
“How dare you grab that child?” – said a battered wife
“What was he thinking?” – said the philosopher
“He ate an apple! It’s not his fault!” – spoke a priest
“He just fertilized the plants!” – said a farmer
Adam quickly realized, the crowd no longer even cared where he was or what he was doing, so he quietly removed their coverings of clothing and began to whittle his way out of the crowd back to his sisters. But they too began to yell at him,
“Adam, you are so embarrassing!”
“Look at this mess YOU made!”
“Mom and Dad are gonna kill you…and it’s not my fault if you end up dead!”
Adam’s head dropped, tears streaming down his face and he didn’t even understand what happened… or why he needed to be afraid? All he knew was that whatever he did, turned out to be, not what he expected, over and over and over, again and again. His heart filled with emotions and feelings he didn’t even have names for and all he knew was that he desperately wanted to help everyone get back to enjoying their day and playing in the sun. He thought, “Mom and Dad always ask me to admit what I have done! And when I do, they smile, forgive me and thank me for admitting it and then we all feel better and go back to whatever it was we were doing.”
So little Adam, grabbed another apple and climbed the highest mountain, which turned out to be a little hill of rubble from recent construction in the garden. He held the apple into the air and yelled,
“Listen to me, all who would hear! I did partake of the apple! It made me have to pee! I therefore had to strip down naked so that I could relieve myself! It felt wonderful to be naked in the sun! I thought you were coming to join me in the light, but you told me I was naked, and you covered me, you were angry disappointed and I became scared and upset. After that, I don’t know what happened. But, I do know this. . .
I AM SORRY, I ATE AN APPLE!”