A Twist in my Story

September 17, 2015 0 Comments

Me?  Attached to my Story?  That’s just ridiculous.

I have a been through some life threatening situations, have you? You think your high school years were rough? . . . try being a minority!  You think being an entrepreneur is brave . . . tell that to your spouse.  You’re a survivor, well you haven’t heard my survival story yet.

Nothing like a few years of regular yoga and meditation practice under the ole belt to help you become more aware of your issues and the stories you tell yourself.  Oh, you didn’t know I do Yoga?  Yeah, well, I’m pretty awesome like that!  But enough about me, again…

See, how easy it is to slip into “I, ME & MY” story

That’s right, even when I was trying to let go of my story as an active practice, it became apparent to me how desperate I was to keep injecting my stories into conversations in order to feel impressive, interesting, and truthfully I was going for irresistible.  Eventually, I was relying so heavily on my past experiences as a way to prove my own worth, charm, and love-ability, that even I got sick of listening to myself.  But even then, I would still fall right back into that same habitual practice of story telling.  UGH!

I remember getting upset with my mentor because she never even allowed me the chance to “wow her with my life story” as I ventured into my life-coach training.  I became keenly aware of repeated thoughts like, “She doesn’t KNOW me!?  If she just knew what I’ve been through, she probably wouldn’t dare challenge me like that!  I deserve more sympathy, empathy, or was it apathy?

OR …Hold on a second…  is this an intentional part of our training?  To eliminate our current construct of self and simply continue to dive into our fears, our current state of reality, our fogginess around what we really want?  Whether it was or wasn’t a purposeful tactic, I realized it was working for me and I had been given a gift here.  But it sure was ticking me off!

How could I spend so much time with someone, working through my very real frustrations for a year, and wonder if he/she really KNEW me?   I pondered this for a few days, and recognized that in conflict resolution the best course of action for me, as a mediator, is to know absolutely nothing about the situation or people involved so that the PROCESS of MEDIATION could stand on it’s own merit and allow a real positive solution unfold.  There are NO SIDES, only perspectives muddled up with emotions and cyclical beliefs caused by old or current wounds… There is always room for a positive outcome, but only if all participants are willing to be vulnerable, honest, forgiving, or trusting in some way.

This concept of being “known” according to our story… does that really define who we are?  Should I choose to remain attached to my story and title of being a survivor, does that mean I am doomed to always survive one tragedy after the next?  Or did I survive a tragedy once?  I happened to be a minority within high school but that was only 4-6 years of my life… the other 30 years of my life, I have not.  So if I am only attached to the years of my life when I was struggling with prejudicial treatment on the daily, have I trapped myself into an existence of marginalization due to pride?  It is certainly something to ponder.

I think for me, I allowed my story(s) to govern too many excuses for my life not panning out the way I hoped.  But that’s just me.

So what’s your story?

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