Why “I told you so” & how to stop.
During my morning meditation I acknowledged a fleeting thought that had popped up in conversation the last few days, and this common thread showed up through clients, shows, and my own mouth…Yep! “I told you so!”
So I reflected and meditated on this statement. Initially, when using this phrase in the past, I feel an immediate sense of vindication. I was right, I observed what was happening, I recognized the cycle, I tried to be kind and warn you, but you didn’t want to hear it or change your behaviour. And so, I laid in wait for the day when ruin would come to you in this manner and would say, verbally or non-verbally, “I told you so!” Usually, with a glare and lips pursed in rage or frustration. In some cases, I feared your choices would affect me, our relationship, our well-being, our security, finances, our parenting, our business decisions. In other cases, I feared your choices would affect you negatively and I am trying to control your behaviour or outcomes. I like to fool myself into thinking I do so out of love, but truthfully it is out of fear and I am just trying to manipulate or control you so that I may be relieved of this impending doom, pressure or embarrassment. Ha! I bet you thought this title meant the receiver of “i told you so’s” is chastised. Well, yes, but those of us who speak those words are also bound and chastised.
What occurred to me this morning is “When I was WARNING YOU of the natural consequences of your actions or lack of action, I was perhaps, PROPHESYING over you, YOUR FAILURE” ; rather, I am speaking into your life that you will fail. But I am not God, and even if I was, God gave you agency to choose! So what I have just spoken to you is truthfully just a possible choice with a possible outcome. But, I spoke of it as if it were a binding contract and when you dismissed me or walked away, I believed in that moment, that you just signed the dotted line and agreed in that moment to fail. And so I wait . . .
. . . I wait for the fulfillment of this prophesy, or contract of failure . . .and when that moment or day comes I will say or think, ” I told you so!”
. . . and when I say “I told you so”, I am agreeing to be chastised by your actions and I take on your failure (you know, the one I declared on your behalf) and in that moment I decide that I failed you as a friend, lover, brother/sister, employer, coach, etc; and then wait for the next go around. Unless, of course, you or I decide to break this cycle.
My natural request to Spirit this morning was, how do I stop this?
Forgive them. Forgive yourself for doing the exact same things (on both sides of the fence). And then go write about it! And so, I did.