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Positive-Opposite blog

What’s your Positive Opposite?

In most of my yoga classes, I introduce the idea of setting an intention for your day or your time on the mat as a balancing act, or an act of bringing balance into your life.  I invite students to quiet themselves with a few deep, grounding breathes and then to bring their awareness to the top of their heads and begin a body scan, from head to toe to gain an overall sense of how they are doing or feeling?  If they are experiencing any annoyance, discomfort, pain, frustration, etc; then they are instructed to look for the  “Positive Opposite” to set their intention.

I may have come into class having had an argument with a co-worker or loved one and am steeped in anger or defeat… Some days, my positive opposite may be just needing to laugh really hard as a way to be reminded not to take myself or others too seriously.  Other times, that same type of argument, brought up a similar emotional state but required instead the need for “peace and quiet”.  The beauty of balance, is that it doesn’t require an issue to be solved, especially if that issue requires two parties to fix it thru agreement.  But what Balance does provide, is a different energy with which to approach that same problem and further more, with an invitation of exactly what is most needed to assist your part of the equation.

We’ve all been there…  Once you have identified your “positive opposite” it is good to marry it with your breath.

  • First deep breath invites that intention into your thoughts. As a result, you may have more peaceful thoughts, for example.
  • Second breath invites it into your emotions, allowing you to experience your guiding thoughts for peace and quiet.
  • Third breath invites that intention into your physical body, which usually triggers muscles to relax or soften, and tells the nervous system to release the stress cycle and even further it may be the statement that gives you permission to step out for a moment, physically out of the space of contention in order to more fully appreciate what you need most right now. . . peace and quiet.

This practice can also be used to help further expand your positive experiences too!  If you came in feeling great, then what intention can you invite into your day to help further your personal or work goals?

Identify it, invite it, breathe it in and embody your POSITIVE OPPOSITE!

October 5, 2015 0 Comments
store

@ Source Mart?

I walk through the aisles and choose what foods, toiletries, clothing, etc; I need and yet somehow I think God can’t fill my personal orders???  Do we understand how silly this is?

It’s a Friday night, the end of your work week and you are exhausted ready to snuggle in with a movie and a fluffy blanket.  But to make your evening and self-care just right you are preparing a special meal or treat that would just make the world “right”.  . . only to discover you are missing a very specific ingredient or desired food!   ARGGghhh!   So how does this story usually play out for you?

  1. You couldn’t even figure out WHAT it was you were craving, but you know you could really use something?  Hmmmm???  But you are too tired just trying to figure it out so you give up.
  2. You know exactly what you want, but you are already entertaining the struggle of whether or not it is worth the money, worth the effort or should you just suck it up and settle for something at home.
  3. You know exactly what you want, but are too lazy to go get it … and then carry on about how nothing ever goes your way, how no one is ever there when you need them, and if people would only wake up to how amazing you are, they would just know what you needed and give it to you! Yadda  yadda . . .
  4. You send a loved one (poor innocent victim) to the store to hunt down what you need expecting they will magically figure out what you could not … and we are often disappointed in their choices (Am I right? I’m right aren’t I?)

Hopefully, you can giggle at the reality of some of these scenarios and relate to one or a few.  Now what if we played out this same scenario but instead of a snack or meal we are struggling to find satisfaction in a relationship, our career/work, or meeting our basic needs such as food, clothing, shelter and feeling content with what we have.   There are a lot of possible root issues or necessary changes trying to surface from your inner-wisdom and telling you something is a-miss or out of balance.  I would venture to guess that one of the above choices or perhaps one not mentioned here, could potentially reveal something about yourself?  About how you relate with others?  About your decision making?  What are the outcomes like?  If they aren’t a win/win for all involved, what needs to adjust in order to make it a success for all involved?

I try to remind myself, the Creator/Creation has much deeper pockets, wider reach, and far more connections that I could ever imagine!

October 4, 2015 0 Comments
man-covering-his-ears-hands-people-life-style-emotional-concept-bearded-over-white-background-53739680 Dissonant-Chords1

Dissonant Intuition

Dissonance is a strange thing.  When we experience it within a song it is when two notes directly next to one another are played together.  Oftentimes, for new instrumentalists or singers it is also what we experience when we are singing or playing a little off key.  When we recognize being off key, we are then able to adjust just a little, in order to be on key.  With practice, one learns to adjust quickly to regain the intended note, melody, or harmony.

Growing up as a Christian the concept of evil or the Devil was introduced into my scope of understanding the world.  You could say he wreaked havoc on the world and was the creator of dissonance or dis-harmony. I was taught that Satan was a liar and deceiver of truth. While my belief around Satan has shifted away from a specific person/being to more living out of our own decisions, this general description stuck.  I remember meditating on the concept of evil as a liar or deceiver of truth particularly in regards to healing.

At the time, my husband served as a Hall Director for a men’s dormitory which required our working and living on campus.  Something I observed while living on campus, was that so often students would justify “negative actions” by hanging on to a shred of truth or true/positive intention that had been twisted just enough to wreak havoc in their lives or the lives of others.  For example, college age students are such passionate creatures and when they feel very strongly about a cause or issue, they have this ability to focus intently and pull their resources together to accomplish whatever it is they put their hearts/minds to.  I am eternally grateful, as I recognize so many significant changes come about in our cultures as a result of this passionate energy.  However, this unbridled energy can sometimes lead to negative destruction in the pursuit of peace, positive revolution and change. EX:  spray painting “Freedom of Speech, NOW!” on someone else’s property who may have a different point of view.  That would be little different from stamping the word “no bullying” on someone’s forehead at a “no bullying” rally.   I had witnessed this good intentioned cycle repeat, year after year. The means to an end gets lost sometimes when we continue to allow our actions to be ruled by our emotions.

So I continued this psych experiment on myself and began to study things I was told to “stay away from (because it’s dangerous or sinful) and look for the thread of truth hidden, wrapped up, covered, or concealed in lies and justifications both personal or religious.  This proved to be a very fruitful exploration.  . . .

I recalled a conversation with a church-member about anger and ,as a 12 year old, I walked away from that conversation believing that to experience and feel anger was sinful and that it could even make me sick. I rejected the emotion, anger, from that day forward to the best of my ability. I simply found other words, adjectives, emotions that never seemed to really express how I felt when truthfully I was angry, pissed off, enraged even and yet, refused to honor those very real emotions for fear of being ungodly.  To make matters even AWESOMER (cuz, that is a word folks!) I even packed those emotions in a box, with a red bow of righteous pride and do-goodery (another for real word) ;)on top!   Look how good I am, how patient, understanding, and what a good Christian – Meanwhile seething under my skin, ill with discontent, and rarely feeling heard or understood.

I now appreciate anger as a natural emotional response to certain situations but when I harbor anger, I recognize how decisions become clouded in judgement.  The thread of truth is that anger could lead me to many negative choices and a life of misery IF I hold onto it.  A lie I adopted from that conversation, was that anger in and of itself is evil/bad/sinful.  Furthermore, as a way to justify my choices and this long-held belief, I judged others as less spiritual than I for acting out in their anger which was counter to this belief.

If we reflect on this understanding of concealed truth, and apply it to music or tones.  Then dissonance could be described as an almost harmony.  It is the closest thing to harmonizing, but has some element that has thrown it off course just enough to cause discomfort, an unpleasing sound, or annoyance within us.  In the past, I would have said my intuition was telling me to reject this unpleasantness and cast it out as far away from me as possible!  Instead, as I began to draw closer and observe the many dissonant experiences in my life, I became quicker at recognizing the subtle truth in a statement or unpleasant situation and practiced releasing the stories I compounded the situation with.  We do this a lot!

Example: One evening after the baby sitter arrived, my husband said, “Honey, I don’t think that coat works well with your outfit for dinner out tonight. Why don’t you grab your lighter jacket.”  Me:“Oh! What I’m not pretty enough?”  -verbalized  …“because, I gave birth to YOUR child, am surviving on 6 hrs. of interrupted sleep a night, with no time left to shower?” – un-verbalized

Concerning this very real moment, perhaps with practice, I could have recognized that my husband was only trying to help me look & feel AMAZING on one of our few nights out! The truth? He noticed the back of my coat was bathed in baby spit-up and didn’t want me to start my evening out with the thought of having to get my coat dry-cleaned and add one more To-Do on my list.  Instead, I did a prolific job of filling in the blanks with my issues, my hang-ups, my negativity and general exhaustion!

Good thing, my man knew how to get me back on key and in harmony, by just telling me the truth about the spit up, followed by a tender kiss on the lips with a nice pat on the butt right out our back door.

I once believed Spirit was only revealed in moments we “achieved” the right thing. I get now that God hardwired the ability to experience dissonance as a spiritual alarm clock to wake up!

October 2, 2015 0 Comments
procrastination photo

1st Crush = Procrastination?

Today I asked for forgiveness of my first crush and he doesn’t even know…

It’s amazing, really, as I continue to practice listening to Spirit in search of mending/healing what has been broken or left me and those I share the world with in bondage.  During a coaching session last night, my dear friend, helped me uncover a correlation between “procrastination” and “my first crush”.  Wha?

I know, “how in the world could these two things be connected?”. It’s like playing 6 degrees to Kevin Bacon from Joan of Arc!  For a good number of months I had been procrastinating over just getting things done for work, taxes, house projects, etc; and with no excuse in sight.  I felt the throngs of the issue of procrastination ringing in my ears, but unaware as to how to “heal” this cycle that has plagued me for years?

Well something in this coaching session struck me.

Our conversation had been circling various concerns and issues surrounding relationships in general and with significant others, etc;  We touched on pitfalls of holding expectations of others, of using others to “amuse” us so we feel better.  In other cases how it feels to be an amusement to others and something about “using others” to get closer to the person we really wanted, struck me.  I knew I hadn’t gotten to the root issue yet to my procrastination, however, I knew something in there was leading me closer.  I was asked, what is the first memory that pops in your head, when you think on the issue of Procrastination?

I think of R—- C—-, my first crush from church camps.   The specific memory was of facing him after he asked me to go with him to campfire (through a friend, as you properly do as a tween-ager) and I replied “no” and hated myself for it.  I saw real hurt in his eyes and a reasonable confusion as ALL of my actions leading up to this point were definitely speaking to him, “I LIKE YOU”. Is there any wonder someone would feel rejected, confused, hurt, silly for asking?  And I made him feel that way!  Diminished and less than.

This morning, as a part of my yoga practice, I began meditating on my first crush and how I handled or rather didn’t handle things.  Emotions flooded me, as I recalled being 12 and always wanting to spend as much time with him as possible, wondering what kissing him might be like, and to just profess my true feelings.  But NO, I was a very shy girl when it came to these matters.  I didn’t like how all the couples seemed to be center stage at camp, and I didn’t want people always watching our every move, especially if there were going to be a a lot of “firsts” first hand holding, swapping gum, saving a seat, sharing a blanket at campfire, first kiss, etc; and so I allowed my fears to overrun my truest desires. . . and I have considered that I missed out on some amazing moments, connections,  and most of all purely loving someone I cared about. Well you must know how much purer our emotions are as young people? It’s intense!

So, God, what the heck does this have to do with procrastination?  Or rather, how does procrastination fit into those memories?

The answers poured in… I procrastinated time and time again, in taking action, to be honest about how I felt about RC and many others after him, and I suffered the natural consequences of “missing out” on many great possibilities.  As I pondered this, I realized this was my first recollection of truly “procrastinating” in any area of my life.  I had no problem signing up for sports, choir, musicals, dance, leadership roles, and anything else I felt passionate about, but in the area of love & intimacy? I would retreat, every time… for many, many years.

What I also uncovered, was that in attempts to feel closer to RC, I would use people and feign interests, or diminish the needs of others, or even myself in an attempt to get closer, but never just the direct approach of doing what was necessary to just tell him how I really felt.  This went on for years!   I’ve tried finding him or his sisters on Facebook, etc; no luck after all these years.

So as instructed, I spoke to RC’s soul/spirit this morning.  Who knows if he is dead or alive???  I invited his soul closer and I poured out my heart, my excuses, my longings, and worries and apologized for caring what others thought and giving into my fears more than my love and appreciation for him.  I asked him for forgiveness, I asked his sister for forgiveness, and our friends that I used in subtle but overt ways, selfishly in order to get or feel closer to him.

But I couldn’t forgive myself… I really felt stuck here?  Why?

And then it hit me. . .  in a weird twisted way, I have continued to procrastinate as a way to punish myself for these behaviors.  Subconsciously, I believed I deserved to “miss out”.  The same lack of action that kept me “missing out” in love and life, was the same lack of action I chose to punish myself with from that moment onward.   Strange isn’t it?  Something about understanding how I was harbouring un-forgiveness towards myself, had plagued so many choices and decisions in my life?

I forgave myself this morning…  No one deserves to miss out in life not even me.

I replaced the adopted lie I had lived out most of my life, the identity “I Am Procrastination or a procrastinator” and replaced it with “I Am taking action”.

October 1, 2015 0 Comments
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